Houdini's Box

There's a secret passage out of here,
But I don't want to reappear.
I just want to stay with you in here, in Houdini's box

New Member of the Dead Dads Club

I always knew my dad would die sooner rather than later - he’d had lung disease that was slowly causing his lungs to turn to scar tissue. We expected a 2-3 year decline until he would eventually succumb to respiratory failure.

We didn’t expect him to die of stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to his liver, pancreas, and spine less than 12 hours after it was diagnosed.

Yes, it was that quick.

At 4:00 in the morning, I asked my dad, “is this the last time I’m going to speak to you?” He answered with labored breath, “probably.”

And it was.

I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have a speech prepared. I told him I never wanted to stop talking to him, but what do you say to the most important person in your life when you know you’ll never speak to them again? We said our “I love yous” and our “goodbyes” and when it was over, I sat in the darkness of my bedroom trying to comprehend that I would never see or speak to my father again.

There’s so much more I wish I would have said though. He always told me how proud he was of me, but I never told him how proud I was of HIM. I never told him that I had forgiven him for cheating on my mother and divorcing her. I’m sure he knew, but I wish I would have SAID it. I wish I had told him that everything I am today, he influenced or shaped in some way. From tearing up at birthday cards to an offbeat sense of humor to my love of a good BLT, these are things that have have my father’s stamp all over them.

I don’t know how to live in a world without my father. I miss him so much, I feel like my soul is crying. He was my best friend. I told him everything - there were no secrets between us. I’ve lost my confidant, my biggest supporter, and my rock. There just aren’t words to express how empty I feel without him.

I know it will get easier. As time passes, eventually the comfort of my memories will be greater than the sorrow of my loss. But until then, I’ll just have to keep slogging through this nightmare I can’t wake up from.

That’s all I can do, I guess.

My goal is to be that rich single aunt that flies everywhere and wears designer clothing and brings expensive gifts to her less successful family members

(Source: lebaenese, via asimetricna-vagina)

Anonymous asked: Describe the color red without using the word red.

backshelfpoet:

Red [red]

noun

1. Murder on the sidewalk. My mother’s favorite cherry candy. The sun at ten p.m. on a summer night. Warning, danger. Warning, I love you. Warning, heart like the bloodiest thing you’ve ever seen. Roses. Cranberries. Fire on a beach, fueled with booze and brandy. Fire in an apartment building, fueled with booze and brandy. Fire in your throat. Fire behind your teeth.

2. Her mouth when she kisses you 
and it tastes like someone else.

When I die, I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action…I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing “Mr. Lonely.” I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé’s.

communitytv:

“I’m gonna eat spaceman paninis with black Hitler and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

communitytv:

“I’m gonna eat spaceman paninis with black Hitler and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

someecards:

heyitsclaire:

rob delaney kills me every single time #imapparently10yearsold

Why you should always keep your colon on mute.

someecards:

heyitsclaire:

rob delaney kills me every single time #imapparently10yearsold

Why you should always keep your colon on mute.